My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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