This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
do nipples grow back?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
