after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
