the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
