is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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