is your mom at the bar?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Holy sore nipples Batman
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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