I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
