It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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