At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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