Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
