Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
