Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
