Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
