Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
