I wanna bring you to show and tell
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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