Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
