haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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