you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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