i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
