he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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