my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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