Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
