Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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