You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
