just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
