there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Never underestimate the power of titties
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
