Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
