i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
