I bet he comes in French.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
