im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
