anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
