had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
