We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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