Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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