i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
