Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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