ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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