I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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