I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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