Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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