Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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