Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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