That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
