nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
