Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
