maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i want to swaddle you in tequila
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
