Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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