We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
