We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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