here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
