M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
