Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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