You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
