I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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