I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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