remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
