Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Everything about him screamed your future.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
