Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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