my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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