please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
