his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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