I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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